Seasons of Life

Beautiful fall weather, the heat is gone. We survived another Houston summer.

We have predictable seasons in our lives, autumn for our family means Hannah's birthday "season". That may seem strange to many families, but to us it is savored. "Hannah's Birthday" means much more to us then the birth of our youngest child. And her older sister and brother are the primary initiators of savoring this tradition. For our family, it represents the faithfulness of our God and His abundant love and provisions.

For years, we yearned for a third child and our first two children, who were elementary age, wanted an additional baby as much as we did. We explored several avenues including, foreign adoption and adoption through fostering. Our journey was a private, family issue. It is a difficult thing to share with others. Sadly, many people are highly opinionated about the personal business of others. It is almost funny to remember some of the unbelievable things that were said to us during that time. But, even more so, it is a wonderful memory to recall all of the love that was shown to us. The love far outweighs the negative comments.

After eight years, our prayers were answered and we were over-the-moon thrilled. Our joy quickly turned to fear, when we were told that I should terminate my pregnancy, because I had cancer. But God scooped us up and sustained us through a difficult year of surgeries, months of bed rest, and uncertainty. The greatest lessons that I learned that year were that fear is not from the Lord and that He is in complete control. The medical odds of our baby surviving were very slim and they expected her to be a micro-mini, premature baby. It was a difficult season, but very blessed, as our Godly friends surrounded us and were the Hands & Feet of Christ to us. God poured out His perfect peace over us every day of that year. It is a year that our family of four will never, never forget, because we had seen a miracle and every year we are reminded of that amazing blessing called Hannah. And so, we celebrate!

The greatest of lessons are learned during the darkest of times. Trials comes in many different shapes and sizes, but there are some aspects that never change. The more that we stand against the storm, the more likely that we will be hit in the head by the attacks of the enemy. I believe, with all my heart, that one of the reasons that Christ commanded us to love one another, is so that we are not willing weapons against other people. If we do not daily walk in His love, then we have a tendency to be petty, mean-spirited people, who are capable of saying and doing ungodly things. There has never been a time when I was hurting that Satan did not bring in a whammy to try to finish me off. The stronger our faith stand, the stronger the whammy. It is an undeniable truth. And it hurts, there is no denying it. But we are not without hope, because we have a Savior, who was also hated and rejected by men. Even today, He is still hated and rejected by men.  It is Christ that the world always seeks to silence. Satan is not threatened by the other "gods" of our time, just as he was not threatened by the mythological gods of history. So, we should expect opposition, it is a confirmation that we are heading the right direction.

So now, we face yet another season of uncertainty, but we have a promise that He will sustain us yet again. In Deuteronomy 31:8,  ^"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

The surgery on Wednesday was successful, but we did not receive the answer that we had hoped to receive. We will not have the final pathology report until next week. The information, that we were given yesterday, was more bad news mixed with good news. (That seems to be the theme of this journey.) The bad news was that the tumor was not benign and there was an additional tumor that was overshadowed by the large one. The small one is jelly bean size and they left it in place. The good news is that a sample was sent to preliminary pathology and there was not any malignant cells in that sample. However, because the tumor is not solid, the bad cells can be more spread out. So we will not know where this tumor falls on the aggression scale until we find out what species it is. The other good news is that they were able to completely collapse the larger tumor. That, however, is a temporary state. Dr. Lee assured me that it will grow back. But at least, for now, it is deflated. We are very hopeful that the pathology will show that this is a precancerous situation and I will be monitored until it starts multiplying, that is our best scenario. The gray area of malignancy is very wide.

Since most pancreatic cancer is not detected until it is in its final stages, I am extraordinarily blessed that mine was discovered before it had metathesized. One of my prayers has been that, if this was malignant, that the researchers at MD Anderson would be able to learn more about this deadly cancer through my case. When we arrived on Wednesday morning, I was called back immediately and ask if I would be willing to participate in the research study group. That is a wonderful thing. God has been preparing my heart for this diagnosis for several weeks. In my quiet time, I knew that He had laid this out before me, as a journey to draw me closer to Him. I will never know WHAT caused me to have this condition, but I know WHO has me. And all is well.

This morning, Psalm 27:13-14 summed it up for me:

"I am still confident in this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
 Wait for the Lord,
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord."