He Reveals the Hidden

There have been so many provisions in the past month, that I am in awe. I have been sick since mid-July and knew in my heart that something was wrong, but could not say what it was. After having a chest x-ray in August, I was told that I had a 2 cm mass on my right lung. (This was terrifying since my mother died thirteen days after being diagnosed  with small cell lung cancer in 2004.) A CT scan was done the next day at a suburban imaging center . By this point, I knew that it was time to move to the Texas Medical Center and see the experts. So I went to pick up my CD of images and the technician handed me a envelope and the CD. She said, "I printed the report too and you really should look at this report."

At first, I was very relieved when I read that the mass on my lung was scar tissue and that I only had 2 small BB sized nodules, that did not seem to raise any red flags. Thinking that I was in the clear, I almost put the report back in the envelope, when I saw in capital letters, "Incidental Report:, 2.6 cm mass on pancreas". It went on to say that the radiologist had caught the top on my pancreas on the CT scan of my chest.

This was not something that I had ever processed through my brain. My name of the top of a piece of paper with the words "pancreas" and "mass" in the same sentence. I know that the survival rate for pancreatic cancer is 5% for 12 months and most of those die in 2 to 4 months. Both of my parents died very suddenly (dad was killed in a car wreck in 2008) and this news hit me real, real hard. There was no sleeping for me that night.

There have been other times in my life that I was face down before the Lord. That night was one of those times. I can honestly say that I do not fear death itself, not that I regularly just sit around and think about it. Like most of us, I am way too busy to think about stressful, depressing things like dying.  Every day is a gift and we are to glorify Him in it. But that night, my little light was not shining. I cried out to Him, I do not want to die, not now anyway! He, very gently, reminded me of the funeral that I attended this summer for a 7 year old, precious, beautiful, little boy that died of an aneurysm. No warning, no nothing. Yet again, I was reminded, I am not in control...none of us are. His ways are not our ways. There is a bigger picture then what our minds can comprehend.

But in the wee hours, God came through the fog of my tears and gave me a memory. I serve on the admissions committee for Hannah's school. In June, I had only one evening of interviews with two families that were interested in our school. One of the fathers is a director in the pulmonary department at MD Anderson. At the end of our interview, I had ask him if he would give a referral for an asthma doctor. Being a very gracious man, he emailed me his cell phone number. Since I am a ding-a-ling, I had never called him for that referral. But God made it clear to me that night that I was to call him first thing in the morning. My hands were shaking when I made that call...what if he didn't remember me...what if he thought that I was a rude, pushy, opportunist. Nothing could be further from the truth, he was very kind and ask me to read him the CT report. Suffice it to say, that I was registered and had an appointment at MD Anderson in less then 24 hours after I made that phone call. Aren't we bless that our Lord, is intimately involved in the details of our lives? Why can I not seem to remember that fact, when my life is not in crisis mode?

It quickly became apparent to me, that God had set up a series of events that had brought me to this place. He allowed me to have a respiratory infection, that forced me to actually go see a doctor (ask my family, that in itself is miraculous), who ordered a chest x-ray that led to the CT scan of my chest. The technician "accidentally" extended the perimeters of the scan & caught an image of my pancreas. The radiologist was thorough in his analysis and reported the mass on my pancreas. The medical clerk at the imaging center was led to print out the written report, instead of just burning a CD of the images, which was all that had been requested. The doctor, who ordered the original scan, was out of town, so I went around him and picked up the report myself. God placed a doctor in my life months ago, who was willing to help with my admission to MDA. The registration at MDA was practically immediate; it is not uncommon to have to wait for acceptance into their programs. This series of events was no accident or coincidence.

There are no early detection tests for pancreatic cancer, this is one of the reasons that it is considered the most fatal of all cancers. Because of the location of mine, the doctor told me that mine is silent. If it was located on the left end of my pancreas, I would have been glow in the dark jaundice long ago. I am so thankful that our Lord is not silent.