Yet Again...I am not IN CHARGE

Today is a challenging day for me. Learning a difficult lesson about preconceiving ideas and convincing myself that I have things figured out.

Before I update on the change in events that occurred yesterday, I want everyone to know that hopefully I will be able to go back & fill in the details of the past month at a later date. The truth be told, until last night, I was not planning on posting any of this on a blog. But I know that I need the prayers of my friends and do not want anyone to be misinformed.

As some of you know, I had my second appointment at MD Anderson yesterday. It did not go as we had expected, but I am very thankful that it also did not go as bad as it could have. There is always an upside when you are living in this realm. I am alive and God has blessed me beyond words.

We were amazed at the doctor that God has provided. He is a born again Christian and is a member of Second. He attended Harvard Medical school and is one of the most humble, gentle spirits that I have ever met. He spoke with kindness and concern but was, at the same time, very straight forward.  There is no doubt in my mind that he is a Gift.

For the past several weeks, I have told myself multitudes of times, that I was going to have this ping pong ball removed, it would be a harmless benign thing, and I would happily go on my merry way.

But reality does not always line up with our fantasies. The good news is that this is exactly where God shows up and amazing things happen. I have learned that there are times in this life where, He asks us to trust Him enough to step up to the edge of the cliff of fear and uncertainty and JUMP. For me, this is another one of those occasions.

The choice of surgically removing this lesion is not a simple decision, for several reasons. First, I was told yesterday that the pancreas is extremely sensitive and does not respond well to any poking or prodding and especially does not like to be sliced or diced. Second, I knew that the pancreas is an essential organ to sustain life and cannot be transplanted. Third issue for me is that my lesion is very large and located within the center of the pancreas. It is taking up a sizable portion of the interior of my pancreas and has a circumference that extends past the pancreas wall. In other words, it is wider then my pancreas. So, as the doctor put it, to remove it would require them to remove at least half of my pancreas and would not leave me with a very good quality of life.

Another important aspect is that this lesion still appears to not be solid. We will not know anything absolutely until after the procedure. But at this point we are encouraged by the appearance on the scan results. The extremely aggressive form of pancreatic cancer is usually in a solid state. That does not mean that it cannot still be malignant, but it is definitely a source of encouragement.

I have been ever hopeful that this is a benign growth and know that it could still be the case. But now knowing that it will not be removed unless it is aggressive, is going to take a little getting use to. My best hope at this point is that I will have this monitored for the rest of my life. Right now, both my liver and pancreas functions are normal, so that is very good.

There is a form of growth in the pancreas that is called a pseudo cyst. These are benign and I have been hopeful that mine would fit into this category. However, I do not fit any of the causes of a pseudo cyst. Most commonly, they are found in people, who are alcoholics, or have chronic pancreatitus or gallbladder issues or have sustained severe trauma to the abdomen. (Unless, having 3 babies is considered severe trauma, then  I do not fit any of these categories.) As the doctor said, not having any of these situations works against me, because a pseudo cyst is the diagnosis of choice.

But, we will have many more details after all the information from the internal ultrasound and biopsy are back. They have scheduled the procedure for October 10th. We could have chosen to be squeezed into the schedule next week, but I chose to wait for an "unsqueezed" slot. God's timing is always perfect and I am resting on that fact.

If the biopsy indicates a malignancy then we will have a different scenario. The GI team at MDA will have to put all their brilliant minds together and come up with the plan of attack.

But, I know that I know that God has every aspect of this journey in the palm of His Hand. His ways are not our ways, "but all things work together for good for this that trust Him and are called according to His purpose." And He does have a purpose for this and He will be glorified.